2 niños de 8 años conversan en el parque.
- El niño le pregunta a la niña:
-¿Qué vas a pedir como regalo a Santaclaus?
- Yo le voy a pedir una Barbie ¿y tu?
-Yo le voy a pedir un tampax,responde el niño.
- ¿Qué es un Tampax? Pregunta la niña.
- Yo no sé,pero en la tele dicen que podés
ir a la playa todos los días, andar en bicicleta,
andar a caballo, bailar, ir a la
disco, correr, hacer de todo y lo mejor,
'sin que nadie se dé cuenta!!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
1951 : Yogi Berra is the AL MVP
On November 8, 1951, Yankees catcher Yogi Berra is voted the American League’s most valuable player for the first time in his career. St. Louis Browns’ ace pitcher and slugger Ned Garver almost won the award--in fact, a representative from the Baseball Writers Association of America phoned him and told him that he had won it--but after a recount it turned out that Berra had edged Garver out by a nose. "It’s great to be classed with fellows like DiMaggio and Rizzuto who have won the award," Berra told reporters that night. "I sure hope I can win it a couple of more times, like Joe did." He went on to be the league MVP twice more, in 1954 and 1955.
Berra had had a great season, for the most part--he’d been the Yanks’ leading slugger, with 27 homers and 88 RBI--but he’d had a dramatic slump near the end of the year. His teammate Allie Reynolds, meanwhile, had pitched two no-hitters in 1951, and Garver had won 20 games and batted .305 for the Browns, a "collection of old rags and tags" that had only managed to win 32 games that Garver wasn’t pitching. In the face of these performances, Berra was sure he wouldn’t win the award. "I was afraid I had blown it with the bad finish," he said.
In fact, it was one of the closest MVP races ever. Each member of the baseball writers’ association voted by naming the league’s 10 best players and then ranking them. A first-place vote got a player 14 points; second place was worth nine, third place eight, and so on. When the votes were tallied, the player with the most points overall won the MVP. Berra, Garver and Reynolds actually had the same number of first-place votes--six each--but Yogi squeaked by on his second-, third- and fourth-place points. (His final score was 187; Garver’s was 157; and Reynolds’ was 125.)
Berra was only the second catcher to win the AL MVP prize. (Mickey Cochrane was the first.) That same year, another catcher--Roy Campanella of the Dodgers--was the NL MVP.
Berra had had a great season, for the most part--he’d been the Yanks’ leading slugger, with 27 homers and 88 RBI--but he’d had a dramatic slump near the end of the year. His teammate Allie Reynolds, meanwhile, had pitched two no-hitters in 1951, and Garver had won 20 games and batted .305 for the Browns, a "collection of old rags and tags" that had only managed to win 32 games that Garver wasn’t pitching. In the face of these performances, Berra was sure he wouldn’t win the award. "I was afraid I had blown it with the bad finish," he said.
In fact, it was one of the closest MVP races ever. Each member of the baseball writers’ association voted by naming the league’s 10 best players and then ranking them. A first-place vote got a player 14 points; second place was worth nine, third place eight, and so on. When the votes were tallied, the player with the most points overall won the MVP. Berra, Garver and Reynolds actually had the same number of first-place votes--six each--but Yogi squeaked by on his second-, third- and fourth-place points. (His final score was 187; Garver’s was 157; and Reynolds’ was 125.)
Berra was only the second catcher to win the AL MVP prize. (Mickey Cochrane was the first.) That same year, another catcher--Roy Campanella of the Dodgers--was the NL MVP.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Personality Type Report for Lurod
While you may not be anti-social, you do need (and deserve) your private time and space to retreat from the world. Unlike extroverts, you need to develop a concept of the world or some aspect of it before experiencing it. Too much socializing may sap your energies. Your energies are derived from exploring the inner world of ideas, impressions and pure thought.
SENSORY
You usually gather information with your senses: what you can see, hear, taste, touch and smell in the physical world. The facts gathered from the sensory data you process are the building blocks of your model of our world. You concentrate your energies on what actually exists and do not ponder what might exist too much. You are usually practical and rely on your common sense to guide you through the world. You see things as they are and have little or no need to search for underlying meanings.
JUDGING
You like decisions to be made as soon as possible. You are not comfortable with loose ends and like to see conflicts resolved as soon as possible. You have a preference for a well-structured, orderly lifestyle with few surprises. It may not be all that important who makes the decisions that gets things done as long things do get done. You take commitments very seriously. While you are not inflexible, you do like to stick to a plan once it is set into motion.
FEELING
You make decisions subjectively based upon your values and what is important to you. How people will be affected by your decisions is important to you. You are likely to make decisions based upon what you feel is acceptable and agreeable rather than what is logical. Your truths are founded in your values and those of the society you live in. It is important to remember that we are discussing how you evaluate data and make decisions, and that you rely on your feelings to do so in no way implies you are overly emotional.
Your Personality Type
Introvert/Sensing/Feeling/Judging
While quiet and reserved by nature, you are very warm-hearted, considerate, gentle, and trustworthy. You have a very well developed work ethic, which ensures you will complete the task before you in a timely manner. You like to help others and are very comfortable working behind the scenes to do so. Getting the job done is far more important to you than accolades for a job well done. You are detail oriented and meticulous in your work habits. Even small mistakes haunt you. While you are not one to give orders, you are very supportive of those around you.
In relationships you are kind, considerate, and show your affection by fulfilling the needs of those you love. You want a comfortable life for yourself and your loved ones and will do what you can to make your lives so. You like a structured lifestyle with well defined goals. You avoid hurting others. Your need to feel needed can keep you in unhealthy relationships with overly needy people. .
Famous People of Your Type:
Louisa May Alcott, Lord Tennyson, Barbara Bush, Charles Dickens, Queen Elizabeth II of England, Robert E. Lee, Queen Mary I.
Occupations Suited to Your Type Include:
Bookkeeper, clerical specialist, computer operator, counselor, curator, dental hygienist, medical assistant, nurse, office manager, optician, paralegal, retailer, secretary, teacher, and veterinarian.
SENSORY
You usually gather information with your senses: what you can see, hear, taste, touch and smell in the physical world. The facts gathered from the sensory data you process are the building blocks of your model of our world. You concentrate your energies on what actually exists and do not ponder what might exist too much. You are usually practical and rely on your common sense to guide you through the world. You see things as they are and have little or no need to search for underlying meanings.
JUDGING
You like decisions to be made as soon as possible. You are not comfortable with loose ends and like to see conflicts resolved as soon as possible. You have a preference for a well-structured, orderly lifestyle with few surprises. It may not be all that important who makes the decisions that gets things done as long things do get done. You take commitments very seriously. While you are not inflexible, you do like to stick to a plan once it is set into motion.
FEELING
You make decisions subjectively based upon your values and what is important to you. How people will be affected by your decisions is important to you. You are likely to make decisions based upon what you feel is acceptable and agreeable rather than what is logical. Your truths are founded in your values and those of the society you live in. It is important to remember that we are discussing how you evaluate data and make decisions, and that you rely on your feelings to do so in no way implies you are overly emotional.
Your Personality Type
Introvert/Sensing/Feeling/Judging
While quiet and reserved by nature, you are very warm-hearted, considerate, gentle, and trustworthy. You have a very well developed work ethic, which ensures you will complete the task before you in a timely manner. You like to help others and are very comfortable working behind the scenes to do so. Getting the job done is far more important to you than accolades for a job well done. You are detail oriented and meticulous in your work habits. Even small mistakes haunt you. While you are not one to give orders, you are very supportive of those around you.
In relationships you are kind, considerate, and show your affection by fulfilling the needs of those you love. You want a comfortable life for yourself and your loved ones and will do what you can to make your lives so. You like a structured lifestyle with well defined goals. You avoid hurting others. Your need to feel needed can keep you in unhealthy relationships with overly needy people. .
Famous People of Your Type:
Louisa May Alcott, Lord Tennyson, Barbara Bush, Charles Dickens, Queen Elizabeth II of England, Robert E. Lee, Queen Mary I.
Occupations Suited to Your Type Include:
Bookkeeper, clerical specialist, computer operator, counselor, curator, dental hygienist, medical assistant, nurse, office manager, optician, paralegal, retailer, secretary, teacher, and veterinarian.
COMO RECLUTAR A LA PERSONA PERFECTA
Como reclutar a la persona perfecta para un puesto dentro de su empresa.
Haga la siguiente prueba:
Ponga cien ladrillos con algún orden particular en un cuarto cerrado que tenga una gran ventana abierta.
Envíe de 2 a 3 candidatos al cuarto, déjelos sólos, cierre la puerta, regrese en 6 horas y analice la situación:
1.-Si están contando los ladrillos: Póngalos en Contabilidad.
2.-Si los están re-contando: Póngalos en Auditoría.
3..-Si están acomodando los ladrillos de un modo raro: Póngalos en Proyectos.
4.-Si han transformado en un desmadre el lugar y no supieron qué hacer con los ladrillos: Póngalos en Ingeniería.
5.-Si están tirando, rompiendo y escondiendo los ladrillos rotos: Póngalos en Producción.
6.-Si están durmiendo y no han movido los ladrillos: Póngalos en Seguridad.
7.-Si están llevando y trayendo los ladrillos por todo el cuarto: Póngalos en Logística.
8.-Si están sentados sin hacer nada y no tienen ni idea de para qué son los ladrillos: Póngalos en Recursos Humanos.
9.-Si dicen que han probado varias formas de acomodarlos, pero en realidad no han movido ni un sólo ladrillo: Póngalos en Sistemas.
10.-Si rompieron los ladrillos en pedacitos y tratan de arreglarlos: Póngalos en Mantenimiento.
11.-Si mienten en la cantidad de ladrillos que hay: Póngalos en Compras.
12.-Si están planeando alguna estrategia para acomodar los ladrillos: Póngalos en Almacenes.
13.-Si movieron los ladrillos y no los situaron bien y se echan la culpa unos a otros: Póngalos en Control de Calidad.
14.-Si están proponiendo métodos para guardarlos y/o utilizarlos y se pelean con todas las áreas: Póngalos en el Departamento Jurídico.
Pero las más importante:
15.-Si sólo están mirando por la ventana, hablando por el celular y les importa tres carajos los ladrillos.
¡HÁGALOS JEFES!
Haga la siguiente prueba:
Ponga cien ladrillos con algún orden particular en un cuarto cerrado que tenga una gran ventana abierta.
Envíe de 2 a 3 candidatos al cuarto, déjelos sólos, cierre la puerta, regrese en 6 horas y analice la situación:
1.-Si están contando los ladrillos: Póngalos en Contabilidad.
2.-Si los están re-contando: Póngalos en Auditoría.
3..-Si están acomodando los ladrillos de un modo raro: Póngalos en Proyectos.
4.-Si han transformado en un desmadre el lugar y no supieron qué hacer con los ladrillos: Póngalos en Ingeniería.
5.-Si están tirando, rompiendo y escondiendo los ladrillos rotos: Póngalos en Producción.
6.-Si están durmiendo y no han movido los ladrillos: Póngalos en Seguridad.
7.-Si están llevando y trayendo los ladrillos por todo el cuarto: Póngalos en Logística.
8.-Si están sentados sin hacer nada y no tienen ni idea de para qué son los ladrillos: Póngalos en Recursos Humanos.
9.-Si dicen que han probado varias formas de acomodarlos, pero en realidad no han movido ni un sólo ladrillo: Póngalos en Sistemas.
10.-Si rompieron los ladrillos en pedacitos y tratan de arreglarlos: Póngalos en Mantenimiento.
11.-Si mienten en la cantidad de ladrillos que hay: Póngalos en Compras.
12.-Si están planeando alguna estrategia para acomodar los ladrillos: Póngalos en Almacenes.
13.-Si movieron los ladrillos y no los situaron bien y se echan la culpa unos a otros: Póngalos en Control de Calidad.
14.-Si están proponiendo métodos para guardarlos y/o utilizarlos y se pelean con todas las áreas: Póngalos en el Departamento Jurídico.
Pero las más importante:
15.-Si sólo están mirando por la ventana, hablando por el celular y les importa tres carajos los ladrillos.
¡HÁGALOS JEFES!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
CLYDE KING
Another member of Yankees royalty has passed, this one a King. The man who served Yankees principal owner George Steinbrenner as coach, manager, general manager and general repairman, Clyde King has died. A former big league pitcher who swore he once used bubble gum to strike out Willie Mays, King died on Tuesday in North Carolina, the state where he spent most of his 86 years. He had been hospitalized for two weeks.
King's death is the fourth of a high-profile Yankee since mid-July. Steinbrenner, public-address announcer Bob Sheppard and former manager Ralph Houk also died in the interim.
King was the third of three Yankees managers in 1982. He worked the final 62 games after Steinbrenner had dismissed Bob Lemon and Gene Michael. Steinbrenner had King, then the GM, inform Yogi Berra of his dismissal in '85.
Clyde King, as manager of Triple-A Rochester, watches Fidel Castro throw a ceremonial first pitch in 1960. (AP)King served as GM beginning in 1984 and through '86. He coached on the big league level in '78, '81, '82 and '88. He was widely regarded as one of Steinbrenner's often invisible "baseball people" and may have been the primary one when he was without a more specific title.
The Boss considered King a Mr. Fix It, often assigning him to work with troubled young pitchers and occasionally veteran pitchers. Steinbrenner acknowledged that he considered King a manager, GM or pitching coach in waiting.
King pitched for the Dodgers for six seasons in a nine-year sequence, beginning in 1944. He pitched for the Reds in 1953. He produced a 32-25 record in 200 career appearances, 21 of them starts, and his career ERA was 4.14 in 496 innings. Three of King's four complete games came against the Reds. He later coached with the Reds and Pirates.
King also managed the Giants in 1969 and into '70, then the Braves for part of '74 and most of '75. The composite winning percentage of the teams he managed was .505.
King reveled in his experiences managing Hall of Famers Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Henry Aaron, Gaylord Perry, Juan Marichal, Phil Niekro, Dave Winfield and Rich Gossage.
"Put my teams together, and we could have won a lot of games," King said, reminiscing in 1994. "I've been around a lot of greats, and I faced a lot of them."
King liked to tell of how he disposed of Mays in 1951 -- Mays' rookie season -- with a breaking ball that befuddled the Giants' center fielder. King swore he stuck a piece of bubble gum to the ball before he threw it and Mays walked from the plate to the dugout shaking his head. However, there is no record of Mays striking out in his five career at-bats against King.
King also said he wore his cap cocked to his left so that a runner on first base would think he was paying close attention to him. Others recalled King using that tactic, but none recalled whether it was effective.
A gentle man with an easy laugh, King was widely regarded as the player who founded the Baseball Chapel.
King's death is the fourth of a high-profile Yankee since mid-July. Steinbrenner, public-address announcer Bob Sheppard and former manager Ralph Houk also died in the interim.
King was the third of three Yankees managers in 1982. He worked the final 62 games after Steinbrenner had dismissed Bob Lemon and Gene Michael. Steinbrenner had King, then the GM, inform Yogi Berra of his dismissal in '85.
Clyde King, as manager of Triple-A Rochester, watches Fidel Castro throw a ceremonial first pitch in 1960. (AP)King served as GM beginning in 1984 and through '86. He coached on the big league level in '78, '81, '82 and '88. He was widely regarded as one of Steinbrenner's often invisible "baseball people" and may have been the primary one when he was without a more specific title.
The Boss considered King a Mr. Fix It, often assigning him to work with troubled young pitchers and occasionally veteran pitchers. Steinbrenner acknowledged that he considered King a manager, GM or pitching coach in waiting.
King pitched for the Dodgers for six seasons in a nine-year sequence, beginning in 1944. He pitched for the Reds in 1953. He produced a 32-25 record in 200 career appearances, 21 of them starts, and his career ERA was 4.14 in 496 innings. Three of King's four complete games came against the Reds. He later coached with the Reds and Pirates.
King also managed the Giants in 1969 and into '70, then the Braves for part of '74 and most of '75. The composite winning percentage of the teams he managed was .505.
King reveled in his experiences managing Hall of Famers Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Henry Aaron, Gaylord Perry, Juan Marichal, Phil Niekro, Dave Winfield and Rich Gossage.
"Put my teams together, and we could have won a lot of games," King said, reminiscing in 1994. "I've been around a lot of greats, and I faced a lot of them."
King liked to tell of how he disposed of Mays in 1951 -- Mays' rookie season -- with a breaking ball that befuddled the Giants' center fielder. King swore he stuck a piece of bubble gum to the ball before he threw it and Mays walked from the plate to the dugout shaking his head. However, there is no record of Mays striking out in his five career at-bats against King.
King also said he wore his cap cocked to his left so that a runner on first base would think he was paying close attention to him. Others recalled King using that tactic, but none recalled whether it was effective.
A gentle man with an easy laugh, King was widely regarded as the player who founded the Baseball Chapel.
ONE - LINERS
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
Some people are like Slinkies, not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
Life's a bitch, 'cause if it was a slut, it'd be easy.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.
Does time fly when you're having sex or was it really just one minute?
Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head.
Vegetarian: Native American definition for "lousy hunter".
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise!
Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless.
Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
I don't give a shit, but if I did, you'd be the first person I'd give it to.
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
Big cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy never hurt anybody.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
Some people are like Slinkies, not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
Life's a bitch, 'cause if it was a slut, it'd be easy.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.
Does time fly when you're having sex or was it really just one minute?
Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head.
Vegetarian: Native American definition for "lousy hunter".
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise!
Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless.
Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
I don't give a shit, but if I did, you'd be the first person I'd give it to.
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
Big cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy never hurt anybody.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Monday, November 1, 2010
An Interesting News Story
HARARE, Zimbabwe -- When the ball hits the bat, the radio announcer exclaims
that it's sailing far. Dean Du Plessis' acute sense of hearing and his
eavesdropping on other commentators helps him overcome the fact that he is
blind, producing a delivery so polished that most listeners are unaware that
he can't see. Du Plessis hears the power and direction of the hit. He
listens to the speed and spin of the ball, along with the players' exertions
and their cries of elation or frustration. He senses the excitement -- or
otherwise -- of the play on the cricket field and collates the scores with a
computer-like memory. In the media area at Harare's Country Club sports
field, other journalists see the ball soar skyward after a sharp crack on
the bat. That's a big one. It's gone for six," said the 33-year-old Du
Plessis, his opaque eyes gazing into the distance. It has, flying way out of
the field. Team members and spectators murmur applause as the often sedate
game of cricket that originated in Britain goes on. In a fast-moving sport
like basketball, De Plessis' feat would likely be impossible. He asks a
friend to confirm the score on the board and feeds the latest to state
radio. I have to ensure I am totally accurate," he told The Associated
Press. I'm generally spot on or very close. I think I have a pretty big hard
drive in my head. On this day, in a friendly match against New Zealand
visitors in Harare, he doesn't have the advantage of mini cameras and
microphones placed in the stumps, three upright sticks at each end of the
pitch, that are routinely placed on the field at top international games.
Used as a "television umpire" and to assist in television coverage, they
help Du Plessis "watch" the game. When they are there, the mikes are very
important," he said. In commentating at international games in Bangladesh
and South Africa, he said he listens to fellow sighted commentators and also
asks questions of scorekeepers and players alike. Former Australian star
Test cricket player Shayne Warne has body movements and verbal grunts that
are easy to discern, according to Du Plessis. Other world sportsmen have an
audible "signature" too. A former England cricket team captain talks to a
struck ball, willing it to roll further to the four-run boundary line, said
Du Plessis. The Zimbabwe-born commentator was born with tumors in both eyes
and his parents were told he wouldn't live beyond infancy. They sent him to
a school for the blind in neighboring South Africa at age six in the absence
of a similar facility at home. It was there that his passion for sports was
born as he listened to radio commentaries. Above the sound of firecrackers
and the "cacophony" of tens of thousands of cricket-mad Asian supporters, he
easily followed an Indian cricket series by "tuning in" to all the sound
effects. Zimbabwe beat South Africa in the 1992 cricket World Cup and soon
after beat top Test cricket nation England in Harare. I was already hooked,"
said Du Plessis. A former telephone operator, he now works as a media editor
at the national cricket governing body's headquarters in Harare. He reads
braille but says audio programs on mobile phones and computers have made
punched braille manuscripts almost obsolete. He follows martial arts
competitions in Zimbabwe and belongs to motorcycle club that meets Sundays,
enjoying riding on the back of fast bikes. He is not inhibited nearly as
much as you would expect," said veteran award-winning Zimbabwe sports writer
John Kelley. His memory for the scores and his match summaries are
absolutely astonishing. A policeman at a roadblock recognized Du Plessis
immediately from his radio voice when he said good morning and let him
proceed. Du Plessis said he dreams of working full time for a major
international sports channel, "but as soon as people learn I'm blind they
back off. Still, he has shared commentary boxes with the world's best in
South Africa and Asia, and earned many colleagues' respect. He's unique. On
air, you can't tell he's blind. Only a circle of cricket followers know he
is," said Dave Emberton, a Zimbabwe broadcast news reader. .
that it's sailing far. Dean Du Plessis' acute sense of hearing and his
eavesdropping on other commentators helps him overcome the fact that he is
blind, producing a delivery so polished that most listeners are unaware that
he can't see. Du Plessis hears the power and direction of the hit. He
listens to the speed and spin of the ball, along with the players' exertions
and their cries of elation or frustration. He senses the excitement -- or
otherwise -- of the play on the cricket field and collates the scores with a
computer-like memory. In the media area at Harare's Country Club sports
field, other journalists see the ball soar skyward after a sharp crack on
the bat. That's a big one. It's gone for six," said the 33-year-old Du
Plessis, his opaque eyes gazing into the distance. It has, flying way out of
the field. Team members and spectators murmur applause as the often sedate
game of cricket that originated in Britain goes on. In a fast-moving sport
like basketball, De Plessis' feat would likely be impossible. He asks a
friend to confirm the score on the board and feeds the latest to state
radio. I have to ensure I am totally accurate," he told The Associated
Press. I'm generally spot on or very close. I think I have a pretty big hard
drive in my head. On this day, in a friendly match against New Zealand
visitors in Harare, he doesn't have the advantage of mini cameras and
microphones placed in the stumps, three upright sticks at each end of the
pitch, that are routinely placed on the field at top international games.
Used as a "television umpire" and to assist in television coverage, they
help Du Plessis "watch" the game. When they are there, the mikes are very
important," he said. In commentating at international games in Bangladesh
and South Africa, he said he listens to fellow sighted commentators and also
asks questions of scorekeepers and players alike. Former Australian star
Test cricket player Shayne Warne has body movements and verbal grunts that
are easy to discern, according to Du Plessis. Other world sportsmen have an
audible "signature" too. A former England cricket team captain talks to a
struck ball, willing it to roll further to the four-run boundary line, said
Du Plessis. The Zimbabwe-born commentator was born with tumors in both eyes
and his parents were told he wouldn't live beyond infancy. They sent him to
a school for the blind in neighboring South Africa at age six in the absence
of a similar facility at home. It was there that his passion for sports was
born as he listened to radio commentaries. Above the sound of firecrackers
and the "cacophony" of tens of thousands of cricket-mad Asian supporters, he
easily followed an Indian cricket series by "tuning in" to all the sound
effects. Zimbabwe beat South Africa in the 1992 cricket World Cup and soon
after beat top Test cricket nation England in Harare. I was already hooked,"
said Du Plessis. A former telephone operator, he now works as a media editor
at the national cricket governing body's headquarters in Harare. He reads
braille but says audio programs on mobile phones and computers have made
punched braille manuscripts almost obsolete. He follows martial arts
competitions in Zimbabwe and belongs to motorcycle club that meets Sundays,
enjoying riding on the back of fast bikes. He is not inhibited nearly as
much as you would expect," said veteran award-winning Zimbabwe sports writer
John Kelley. His memory for the scores and his match summaries are
absolutely astonishing. A policeman at a roadblock recognized Du Plessis
immediately from his radio voice when he said good morning and let him
proceed. Du Plessis said he dreams of working full time for a major
international sports channel, "but as soon as people learn I'm blind they
back off. Still, he has shared commentary boxes with the world's best in
South Africa and Asia, and earned many colleagues' respect. He's unique. On
air, you can't tell he's blind. Only a circle of cricket followers know he
is," said Dave Emberton, a Zimbabwe broadcast news reader. .
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