I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding.
Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed.
I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
You can't fix stupid.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
About DURGA PUJA
Mythological tract:
In the ancient times, a demon called 'Mahishasura' earned the favor of 'Lord Brahma' through extreme austerity and prolonged meditation. Pleased with the devotion of the demon, the lord blessed him with a boon that no man or Deity would be able to kill him. Empowered with the boon, Mahishasura started his reign of terror over the Earth and Heaven.
Invasion of Heaven:
People were already being killed mercilessly and even the Gods were assaulted. Yet the worse was yet to come. It came when an strong army of demons was gathered to siege the abode of the Deities. The army was led by the king Mahishasura, the green skinned demon with the form of a giant buffalo. With its weapons of iron, and its phalanxes of elephants and charioteers the army finally marched on the king of gods, Purandara or (Indra), defeating him. Then, Mahishasura usurped the throne of heaven.
The victory was complete, and all the gods were driven out of the heaven. Routed they went to the trinity of the Supreme Gods, Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva to save themselves and the men on the world. The orgy of violence vis-a-vis the the invasion of the heaven by the evils enraged the Supreme Gods. Their faces were flushed with anger and a dazzling luminescence flooded forth. Great flames and thunderbolt streaked through all directions. The fires illuminated all the three worlds: the heaven, the earth, and the nether-world with penetrating beams of light.
The Birth of Durga:
At a single point, the energy of all the fires coalesced and assumed a shape, in the form of a young woman. Her face was from the light of Shiva. Her ten arms were from Lord Vishnu. Her legs were from Lord Brahma.
The dispossessed gods were awed by the supreme energy and enchanting beauty of the conceived Goddess. They praised her and equipped her with their divine gifts: Shiva gave Her a trident with a spear-end. Krishna gave her rotating disc. Varuna, the God of sea, gave her a conch and the God of fire gave her a missile. From the wind, Vayu, she received arrows. The king of gods, Indra, gave her the thunder-bolt, and the gift of his white-skinned elephant Airavata was a bell. From Yama, the god of death, Durga received a rod, and from the Ruler of Waters she was given a noose.
Durga received many other precious and magical treasures-- gifts of jewels, new clothing, and a garland of immortal lotuses for her head and breasts. Heaven's architect gave her a bright axe and magic armor. God of mountains, Himalayas gave her jewels and a magnificent lion to ride into battle.
Now equipped with the fearsome weaponry and magical powers of the gods, and dressed in golden armor and jewels she set off, seated gracefully upon the lion. His thunderous roars shook the three worlds. Oceans swelled up to scrape the sky and surf broke over the land. Continents were torn at their granite foundations as whole new chains of mountains rose, while older ranges crumbled, cracked, and gave way to dust in a thousand landslides. Seeing these cataclysmic ripplings in waves through all the three worlds, Mahishasura and his demon allies found their attention drawn from heaven to Earth. Though confident of their power and control in heaven, even the conquering demon host could not help being awestruck.
The demons had little time to admire the radiant visage of their new adversary, for soon she engaged them on the battlefield. First, the army of Chikasura, and then that of Chamara, the two chief commanders (also called Shumbha and Nishumbha,of Mahishasura by some) were met. They were destroyed in a great battle. Now it's turn for Mahishasura.
The Termination of Mahishasura:
Confident but confused by the humiliating defeat of his loyal and powerful commanders Mahishasura did his best in arranging and equipping his personal army. This time the heaven was led by Durga as the boon of Mahishasura could only make him invincible against all but woman. Surrounded by chants of praise, the blowing of horns the beating of drums and songs of worship Durga roamed the battlefield on her mighty lion. From her divine breath her army was constantly replenished with new warriors, each able, brave and resolute.
Shocked and enraged by the disastrous events on the battlefield. In a mad desperate bid Mahishasura then reverted to his own form, a buffalo, and charged about on the battlefield. In a wild rage he charged at Durga's divine soldiers wounding many, biting others and all the while thrashing with his long, whip-like tail. Durga's lion, angered by the presence of the demon-buffalo, attacked him. While he was thus engaged, Durga threw her noose around his neck. But through magical spell Mahishasura kept changing his shape and form from one to another so as to puzzle the Devi. Finally the Goddess beheaded the buffalo and from it emerged Mahishasura in his original form. Durga pierced his chest with the trident and relieved the world from the evil power. The gods returned to heaven, and along with the sages of the earth, they sang praises and showered floral compliments to the Goddess Durga. Henceforth, and to this day, the Goddess Durga is worshipped by all the gods in heaven, and all human beings on earth. Mahishasura is there too--frozen in his moment of final defeat, impaled by Durga's spear and seeking pardon beneath her left foot. The Goddess Durga then continued to be worshipped in this form.
According to Puranas (the epics) , King Suratha, used to worship the goddess Durga in spring. Thus Durga Puja was also known as Basanti Puja (Basanta being Spring). While the vernal worship of Durga still goes on but it is the Ram's Akalbodhan during the autumn that came to be a most widely accepted practice.
In the 'Ramayana', as it goes, Rama went to 'Lanka' to rescue his abducted wife, Sita, from the grip of Ravana, the king of the Demons in Lanka. Before starting for his battle with Ravana, Rama wanted the blessings of Devi Durga . He came to know that the Goddess would be pleased only if she is worshipped with one hundred 'NeelKamal' or blue lotuses. Rama, after travelling the whole world, could gather only ninety nine of them. He finally decided to offer one of his eyes, which resembled blue lotuses. Durga, being pleased with the devotion of Rama, appeared before him and blessed him. The epical battle started on the 'Saptami' and Ravana was finally killed on the 'Sandhikshan' i.e. the crossover period between Ashtami (the next day) and Navami (the day after). Ravana was cremated on Dashami. This is why Dashera is celebrated in India with so much of fanfare and the effigy of Raavana is burnt.
In course of time Bengalis adopted the autumnal worship of Durga performed by Rama and made it their main festival. The Pujas span over the four days, the time taken by Rama to finally kill and cremate Ravana.
In the ancient times, a demon called 'Mahishasura' earned the favor of 'Lord Brahma' through extreme austerity and prolonged meditation. Pleased with the devotion of the demon, the lord blessed him with a boon that no man or Deity would be able to kill him. Empowered with the boon, Mahishasura started his reign of terror over the Earth and Heaven.
Invasion of Heaven:
People were already being killed mercilessly and even the Gods were assaulted. Yet the worse was yet to come. It came when an strong army of demons was gathered to siege the abode of the Deities. The army was led by the king Mahishasura, the green skinned demon with the form of a giant buffalo. With its weapons of iron, and its phalanxes of elephants and charioteers the army finally marched on the king of gods, Purandara or (Indra), defeating him. Then, Mahishasura usurped the throne of heaven.
The victory was complete, and all the gods were driven out of the heaven. Routed they went to the trinity of the Supreme Gods, Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva to save themselves and the men on the world. The orgy of violence vis-a-vis the the invasion of the heaven by the evils enraged the Supreme Gods. Their faces were flushed with anger and a dazzling luminescence flooded forth. Great flames and thunderbolt streaked through all directions. The fires illuminated all the three worlds: the heaven, the earth, and the nether-world with penetrating beams of light.
The Birth of Durga:
At a single point, the energy of all the fires coalesced and assumed a shape, in the form of a young woman. Her face was from the light of Shiva. Her ten arms were from Lord Vishnu. Her legs were from Lord Brahma.
The dispossessed gods were awed by the supreme energy and enchanting beauty of the conceived Goddess. They praised her and equipped her with their divine gifts: Shiva gave Her a trident with a spear-end. Krishna gave her rotating disc. Varuna, the God of sea, gave her a conch and the God of fire gave her a missile. From the wind, Vayu, she received arrows. The king of gods, Indra, gave her the thunder-bolt, and the gift of his white-skinned elephant Airavata was a bell. From Yama, the god of death, Durga received a rod, and from the Ruler of Waters she was given a noose.
Durga received many other precious and magical treasures-- gifts of jewels, new clothing, and a garland of immortal lotuses for her head and breasts. Heaven's architect gave her a bright axe and magic armor. God of mountains, Himalayas gave her jewels and a magnificent lion to ride into battle.
Now equipped with the fearsome weaponry and magical powers of the gods, and dressed in golden armor and jewels she set off, seated gracefully upon the lion. His thunderous roars shook the three worlds. Oceans swelled up to scrape the sky and surf broke over the land. Continents were torn at their granite foundations as whole new chains of mountains rose, while older ranges crumbled, cracked, and gave way to dust in a thousand landslides. Seeing these cataclysmic ripplings in waves through all the three worlds, Mahishasura and his demon allies found their attention drawn from heaven to Earth. Though confident of their power and control in heaven, even the conquering demon host could not help being awestruck.
The demons had little time to admire the radiant visage of their new adversary, for soon she engaged them on the battlefield. First, the army of Chikasura, and then that of Chamara, the two chief commanders (also called Shumbha and Nishumbha,of Mahishasura by some) were met. They were destroyed in a great battle. Now it's turn for Mahishasura.
The Termination of Mahishasura:
Confident but confused by the humiliating defeat of his loyal and powerful commanders Mahishasura did his best in arranging and equipping his personal army. This time the heaven was led by Durga as the boon of Mahishasura could only make him invincible against all but woman. Surrounded by chants of praise, the blowing of horns the beating of drums and songs of worship Durga roamed the battlefield on her mighty lion. From her divine breath her army was constantly replenished with new warriors, each able, brave and resolute.
Shocked and enraged by the disastrous events on the battlefield. In a mad desperate bid Mahishasura then reverted to his own form, a buffalo, and charged about on the battlefield. In a wild rage he charged at Durga's divine soldiers wounding many, biting others and all the while thrashing with his long, whip-like tail. Durga's lion, angered by the presence of the demon-buffalo, attacked him. While he was thus engaged, Durga threw her noose around his neck. But through magical spell Mahishasura kept changing his shape and form from one to another so as to puzzle the Devi. Finally the Goddess beheaded the buffalo and from it emerged Mahishasura in his original form. Durga pierced his chest with the trident and relieved the world from the evil power. The gods returned to heaven, and along with the sages of the earth, they sang praises and showered floral compliments to the Goddess Durga. Henceforth, and to this day, the Goddess Durga is worshipped by all the gods in heaven, and all human beings on earth. Mahishasura is there too--frozen in his moment of final defeat, impaled by Durga's spear and seeking pardon beneath her left foot. The Goddess Durga then continued to be worshipped in this form.
According to Puranas (the epics) , King Suratha, used to worship the goddess Durga in spring. Thus Durga Puja was also known as Basanti Puja (Basanta being Spring). While the vernal worship of Durga still goes on but it is the Ram's Akalbodhan during the autumn that came to be a most widely accepted practice.
In the 'Ramayana', as it goes, Rama went to 'Lanka' to rescue his abducted wife, Sita, from the grip of Ravana, the king of the Demons in Lanka. Before starting for his battle with Ravana, Rama wanted the blessings of Devi Durga . He came to know that the Goddess would be pleased only if she is worshipped with one hundred 'NeelKamal' or blue lotuses. Rama, after travelling the whole world, could gather only ninety nine of them. He finally decided to offer one of his eyes, which resembled blue lotuses. Durga, being pleased with the devotion of Rama, appeared before him and blessed him. The epical battle started on the 'Saptami' and Ravana was finally killed on the 'Sandhikshan' i.e. the crossover period between Ashtami (the next day) and Navami (the day after). Ravana was cremated on Dashami. This is why Dashera is celebrated in India with so much of fanfare and the effigy of Raavana is burnt.
In course of time Bengalis adopted the autumnal worship of Durga performed by Rama and made it their main festival. The Pujas span over the four days, the time taken by Rama to finally kill and cremate Ravana.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
l Malamen
El tema en la clase era el miedo, y la profesora empieza a preguntar.....
- Pedrito, ¿de quién tienes más miedo?
- Del 'Coco', profesora
- Pero Pedrito, 'el Coco' no existe, es una leyenda... no debes de tener miedo...
-Luisita, ¿de quién tienes más miedo?
- De los fantasmas, profesora
- Pero Luisita, los fantasmas tampoco existen, son una leyenda, no debes de tener miedo...
- ¿Y tú Juanito? ¿De quién tienes más miedo?
- Del "Malamen', profesora (el silencio invadió el salón de clases hasta que la maestra dijo)
- '¿Malamen?' nunca oí hablar de ése, ¿quién es?
- Yo tampoco sé quién es, profesora, pero me temo que sea el ser más terrible que pueda pisar la tierra, su maldad es implacable y su legado de terror se ha esparcido por varias generaciones, ya que todas las noches mi mamá dice al final de las oraciones...
"No nos dejes caer en la tentación y líbranos del Malamen"
- Pedrito, ¿de quién tienes más miedo?
- Del 'Coco', profesora
- Pero Pedrito, 'el Coco' no existe, es una leyenda... no debes de tener miedo...
-Luisita, ¿de quién tienes más miedo?
- De los fantasmas, profesora
- Pero Luisita, los fantasmas tampoco existen, son una leyenda, no debes de tener miedo...
- ¿Y tú Juanito? ¿De quién tienes más miedo?
- Del "Malamen', profesora (el silencio invadió el salón de clases hasta que la maestra dijo)
- '¿Malamen?' nunca oí hablar de ése, ¿quién es?
- Yo tampoco sé quién es, profesora, pero me temo que sea el ser más terrible que pueda pisar la tierra, su maldad es implacable y su legado de terror se ha esparcido por varias generaciones, ya que todas las noches mi mamá dice al final de las oraciones...
"No nos dejes caer en la tentación y líbranos del Malamen"
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
PARENTS- Job Description
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical chal
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated!
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical chal
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated!
Monday, July 26, 2010
1775 : U.S. postal system established
On this day in 1775, the U.S. postal system is established by the Second Continental Congress, with Benjamin Franklin as its first postmaster general. Franklin (1706-1790) put in place the foundation for many aspects of today's mail system. During early colonial times in the 1600s, few American colonists needed to send mail to each other; it was more likely that their correspondence was with letter writers in Britain. Mail deliveries from across the Atlantic were sporadic and could take many months to arrive. There were no post offices in the colonies, so mail was typically left at inns and taverns.
In 1753, Benjamin Franklin, who had been postmaster of Philadelphia, became one of two joint postmasters general for the colonies. He made numerous improvements to the mail system, including setting up new, more efficient colonial routes and cutting delivery time in half between Philadelphia and New York by having the weekly mail wagon travel both day and night via relay teams. Franklin also debuted the first rate chart, which standardized delivery costs based on distance and weight. In 1774, the British fired Franklin from his postmaster job because of his revolutionary activities.
However, the following year, he was appointed postmaster general of the United Colonies by the Continental Congress. Franklin held the job until late in 1776, when he was sent to France as a diplomat. He left a vastly improved mail system, with routes from Florida to Maine and regular service between the colonies and Britain. President George Washington appointed Samuel Osgood, a former Massachusetts congressman, as the first postmaster general of the American nation under the new U.S. constitution in 1789. At the time, there were approximately 75 post offices in the country.
Today, the United States has over 40,000 post offices and the postal service delivers 212 billion pieces of mail each year to over 144 million homes and businesses in the United States, Puerto Rico, Guam, the American Virgin Islands and American Samoa. The postal service is the nation's largest civilian employer, with over 700,000 career workers, who handle more than 44 percent of the world's cards and letters. The postal service is a not-for-profit, self-supporting agency that covers its expenses through postage (stamp use in the United States started in 1847) and related products. The postal service gets the mail delivered, rain or shine, using everything from planes to mules. However, it's not cheap: The U.S. Postal Service says that when fuel costs go up by just one penny, its own costs rise by $8 million.
In 1753, Benjamin Franklin, who had been postmaster of Philadelphia, became one of two joint postmasters general for the colonies. He made numerous improvements to the mail system, including setting up new, more efficient colonial routes and cutting delivery time in half between Philadelphia and New York by having the weekly mail wagon travel both day and night via relay teams. Franklin also debuted the first rate chart, which standardized delivery costs based on distance and weight. In 1774, the British fired Franklin from his postmaster job because of his revolutionary activities.
However, the following year, he was appointed postmaster general of the United Colonies by the Continental Congress. Franklin held the job until late in 1776, when he was sent to France as a diplomat. He left a vastly improved mail system, with routes from Florida to Maine and regular service between the colonies and Britain. President George Washington appointed Samuel Osgood, a former Massachusetts congressman, as the first postmaster general of the American nation under the new U.S. constitution in 1789. At the time, there were approximately 75 post offices in the country.
Today, the United States has over 40,000 post offices and the postal service delivers 212 billion pieces of mail each year to over 144 million homes and businesses in the United States, Puerto Rico, Guam, the American Virgin Islands and American Samoa. The postal service is the nation's largest civilian employer, with over 700,000 career workers, who handle more than 44 percent of the world's cards and letters. The postal service is a not-for-profit, self-supporting agency that covers its expenses through postage (stamp use in the United States started in 1847) and related products. The postal service gets the mail delivered, rain or shine, using everything from planes to mules. However, it's not cheap: The U.S. Postal Service says that when fuel costs go up by just one penny, its own costs rise by $8 million.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
SALUDITO!
Sabías que La Amistad es:
un ARTE???
SaludARTE
BesARTE
AnimARTE
AbrazARTE
BromeARTE
MolestARTE
AmARTE
LlamARTE
ApoyARTE
CantARTE
AdmirARTE
AconsejARTE
SoportARTE
AguantARTE
EscuchARTE..!
AbrigARTE
Y a veces IMITARTE(es lo bueno)...
Pero nunca nunca olvidARTE...
y mucho menos ignorARTE.
Pasalo a tus amigos verdaderos! Incluyendome a mi, si me consideras uno!!!!
Favor de no olvidARTE
un ARTE???
SaludARTE
BesARTE
AnimARTE
AbrazARTE
BromeARTE
MolestARTE
AmARTE
LlamARTE
ApoyARTE
CantARTE
AdmirARTE
AconsejARTE
SoportARTE
AguantARTE
EscuchARTE..!
AbrigARTE
Y a veces IMITARTE(es lo bueno)...
Pero nunca nunca olvidARTE...
y mucho menos ignorARTE.
Pasalo a tus amigos verdaderos! Incluyendome a mi, si me consideras uno!!!!
Favor de no olvidARTE
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Tech Support
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition , Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge ! the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support!
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition , Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge ! the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support!
AMAZING CONCLUSION !!!
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
and ...
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure,
the smaller your balls become.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
and ...
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure,
the smaller your balls become.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Daniel Schorr
Longtime journalist Daniel Schorr dead at age 93 BRETT ZONGKER
Associated Press Daniel Schorr, journalist whose tough reporting got
him on Nixon's enemies list, dead at 93 WASHINGTON -- Veteran
reporter and commentator Daniel Schorr, whose hard-hitting reporting for CBS
got him on President Richard Nixon's notorious "enemies list" in the 1970s,
has died. He was 93. Schorr died Friday at a Washington hospital after a
brief illness, said Anna Christopher, a spokeswoman for National Public
Radio, where Schorr continued to work as a senior news analyst and
commentator. Schorr's career of more than six decades spanned the spectrum
of journalism -- beginning in print, then moving to television where he
spent 23 years with CBS News and ending with NPR. He also wrote several
books, including his memoir, "Staying Tuned: A Life in Journalism. Schorr
reported from Moscow; Havana; Bonn, Germany; and many other cities as a
foreign correspondent. While at CBS, he brought Americans the first-ever
exclusive television interview with a Soviet leader, Nikita Khrushchev, in
1957. During the Nixon years, Schorr not only covered the news as CBS' chief
Watergate correspondent, but he also became part of the story. Hoping to
beat the competition, he rushed to the air with Nixon's famous "enemies
list" and began reading the list of 20 to viewers before previewing it. As
he got to No. 17, he discovered his name. I remember that my first thought
was that I must go on reading without any pause, or gasp or look of wild
surmise," he wrote in his book "Clearing the Air. I do not know how well I
carried off my effort to appear oblivious to the discovery of my name on an
ominous-looking list, but I count this one of the most trying experiences in
my television career. Schorr's stories pointing out weaknesses of the
administration's programs so angered Nixon that he ordered an FBI
investigation of the reporter -- saying he was being considered for a top
federal job. That investigation was later mentioned in one of the three
articles of impeachment -- "abuse of a federal agency" -- adopted by the
House Judiciary Committee against Nixon. He said he figured he became such a
thorn in Nixon's side because his newspaper background gave him a bluntness
rare on television and an antagonism to the "stage-craft, image-making and
slogan-selling" that Nixon favored. Schorr became part of the story once
again in 1976, when he arranged for the publication of an advance copy of a
suppressed House Intelligence Committee report on illegal CIA and FBI
findings. At the time, Schorr called it "an inescapable decision of
journalistic conscience" to see that the report ended up in print. To his
surprise, reaction from his own colleagues in the media was negative,
because Schorr had handed the report over in exchange for a donation to a
group that aids journalists in First Amendment issues. The idea of "selling
any document is intolerable for a newsman whether it's for personal profit
or for charity," Peter Lisagor, chief of the Chicago Daily News' Washington
bureau, said at the time. Many reporters also found Schorr's silence
troubling when another CBS correspondent, Lesley Stahl, was wrongly accused
of leaking the report. Schorr was suspended by the network and the House
opened an investigation of him, though it later dropped the case. He
resigned from CBS soon after that. Well into his 90s, he was still giving
commentaries on NPR. Pondering the November 2009 shootings at Fort Hood,
Texas, he cited the online contacts between the suspect, Maj. Nidal Hasan,
and a radical cleric. He asked, "does the Internet merit some of the
responsibility for helping the violence-prone to fester there in communion
with the machine? Born in New York City to Russian-Jewish immigrant parents,
Schorr began his career in journalism while he was still in high school.
When he wasn't working on the student newspaper, he spent his free time as a
stringer for the Bronx Home News and the Jewish Daily Bulletin. During
college, Schorr also worked part-time for several metropolitan dailies.
Schorr first caught the eye of famed CBS newsman Edward R. Murrow during his
vivid reports on devastating flooding in the Netherlands in 1953. Murrow
persuaded him to join the network, where he started out covering Capitol
Hill and the State Department beats. After CBS, Schorr taught journalism at
the University of California at Berkeley, and then in 1979 he joined Ted
Turner's newly created CNN as its senior correspondent in Washington. Soon
after leaving the cable station in 1985 over differences with Turner, Schorr
found a home at National Public Radio as a senior news analyst. He
contributed regularly to "All Things Considered," and other NPR programs.
Schorr is survived by his wife, Lisbeth, his son, Jonathan Schorr, daughter,
Lisa Kaplan, and one grandchild. Memorial plans have not been set. Eds:
Corrects spelling of Lesley Stahl's first name, rather than 'Leslie'; Adds
names of Schorr's surviving family members, no funeral plans set.
Associated Press Daniel Schorr, journalist whose tough reporting got
him on Nixon's enemies list, dead at 93 WASHINGTON -- Veteran
reporter and commentator Daniel Schorr, whose hard-hitting reporting for CBS
got him on President Richard Nixon's notorious "enemies list" in the 1970s,
has died. He was 93. Schorr died Friday at a Washington hospital after a
brief illness, said Anna Christopher, a spokeswoman for National Public
Radio, where Schorr continued to work as a senior news analyst and
commentator. Schorr's career of more than six decades spanned the spectrum
of journalism -- beginning in print, then moving to television where he
spent 23 years with CBS News and ending with NPR. He also wrote several
books, including his memoir, "Staying Tuned: A Life in Journalism. Schorr
reported from Moscow; Havana; Bonn, Germany; and many other cities as a
foreign correspondent. While at CBS, he brought Americans the first-ever
exclusive television interview with a Soviet leader, Nikita Khrushchev, in
1957. During the Nixon years, Schorr not only covered the news as CBS' chief
Watergate correspondent, but he also became part of the story. Hoping to
beat the competition, he rushed to the air with Nixon's famous "enemies
list" and began reading the list of 20 to viewers before previewing it. As
he got to No. 17, he discovered his name. I remember that my first thought
was that I must go on reading without any pause, or gasp or look of wild
surmise," he wrote in his book "Clearing the Air. I do not know how well I
carried off my effort to appear oblivious to the discovery of my name on an
ominous-looking list, but I count this one of the most trying experiences in
my television career. Schorr's stories pointing out weaknesses of the
administration's programs so angered Nixon that he ordered an FBI
investigation of the reporter -- saying he was being considered for a top
federal job. That investigation was later mentioned in one of the three
articles of impeachment -- "abuse of a federal agency" -- adopted by the
House Judiciary Committee against Nixon. He said he figured he became such a
thorn in Nixon's side because his newspaper background gave him a bluntness
rare on television and an antagonism to the "stage-craft, image-making and
slogan-selling" that Nixon favored. Schorr became part of the story once
again in 1976, when he arranged for the publication of an advance copy of a
suppressed House Intelligence Committee report on illegal CIA and FBI
findings. At the time, Schorr called it "an inescapable decision of
journalistic conscience" to see that the report ended up in print. To his
surprise, reaction from his own colleagues in the media was negative,
because Schorr had handed the report over in exchange for a donation to a
group that aids journalists in First Amendment issues. The idea of "selling
any document is intolerable for a newsman whether it's for personal profit
or for charity," Peter Lisagor, chief of the Chicago Daily News' Washington
bureau, said at the time. Many reporters also found Schorr's silence
troubling when another CBS correspondent, Lesley Stahl, was wrongly accused
of leaking the report. Schorr was suspended by the network and the House
opened an investigation of him, though it later dropped the case. He
resigned from CBS soon after that. Well into his 90s, he was still giving
commentaries on NPR. Pondering the November 2009 shootings at Fort Hood,
Texas, he cited the online contacts between the suspect, Maj. Nidal Hasan,
and a radical cleric. He asked, "does the Internet merit some of the
responsibility for helping the violence-prone to fester there in communion
with the machine? Born in New York City to Russian-Jewish immigrant parents,
Schorr began his career in journalism while he was still in high school.
When he wasn't working on the student newspaper, he spent his free time as a
stringer for the Bronx Home News and the Jewish Daily Bulletin. During
college, Schorr also worked part-time for several metropolitan dailies.
Schorr first caught the eye of famed CBS newsman Edward R. Murrow during his
vivid reports on devastating flooding in the Netherlands in 1953. Murrow
persuaded him to join the network, where he started out covering Capitol
Hill and the State Department beats. After CBS, Schorr taught journalism at
the University of California at Berkeley, and then in 1979 he joined Ted
Turner's newly created CNN as its senior correspondent in Washington. Soon
after leaving the cable station in 1985 over differences with Turner, Schorr
found a home at National Public Radio as a senior news analyst. He
contributed regularly to "All Things Considered," and other NPR programs.
Schorr is survived by his wife, Lisbeth, his son, Jonathan Schorr, daughter,
Lisa Kaplan, and one grandchild. Memorial plans have not been set. Eds:
Corrects spelling of Lesley Stahl's first name, rather than 'Leslie'; Adds
names of Schorr's surviving family members, no funeral plans set.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Ralph Houk Dies
Ralph Houk, who managed the powerhouse Yankees teams of the early
1960s to two World Series championships, died Wednesday. He was 90.
Red Sox spokesman Dick Bresciani said Houk's grandson, Scott Slaboden, told
the team Houk died at his home in Winter Haven, Fla.
Slaboden, who lives in the Boston area, told the team in an e-mail that Houk
"died peacefully of natural causes after having a brief illness."
Houk spent parts of eight seasons as a backup catcher for the New York
Yankees, appearing in just 91 games.
"People forget that before he was a manager, he was a war hero and he was a
catcher for a lot of years," Tigers radio analyst Jim Price said. "He was a
great guy, I knew him very well, and everyone that played for him loved
him."
He made his mark as a manager, managing 3,157 games and winning 1,619 over
20 seasons with the Yankees, Detroit Tigers and Red Sox.
His best seasons as a manager were his first three. He took over the New
Yankees in 1961 and behind Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris the team won 109
game and a World Series championship.
The Yankees repeated as champions in 1962 and won the AL pennant in 1963,
but were swept by the Los Angeles Dodgers in the World Series.
Houk moved into the front office after that series, becoming Yankees general
manager in 1964 and '65.
He returned to managing the Yankees in 1966 and held the job until 1973, but
he only had four more winning seasons and never finished better than second
place.
He moved on to the Tigers in 1974 and was their manager until 1978, but the
team's only winning season under Houk came in his last season.
He managed the Red Sox from 1981-84 and retired with a winning percentage of
.514 overall.
1960s to two World Series championships, died Wednesday. He was 90.
Red Sox spokesman Dick Bresciani said Houk's grandson, Scott Slaboden, told
the team Houk died at his home in Winter Haven, Fla.
Slaboden, who lives in the Boston area, told the team in an e-mail that Houk
"died peacefully of natural causes after having a brief illness."
Houk spent parts of eight seasons as a backup catcher for the New York
Yankees, appearing in just 91 games.
"People forget that before he was a manager, he was a war hero and he was a
catcher for a lot of years," Tigers radio analyst Jim Price said. "He was a
great guy, I knew him very well, and everyone that played for him loved
him."
He made his mark as a manager, managing 3,157 games and winning 1,619 over
20 seasons with the Yankees, Detroit Tigers and Red Sox.
His best seasons as a manager were his first three. He took over the New
Yankees in 1961 and behind Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris the team won 109
game and a World Series championship.
The Yankees repeated as champions in 1962 and won the AL pennant in 1963,
but were swept by the Los Angeles Dodgers in the World Series.
Houk moved into the front office after that series, becoming Yankees general
manager in 1964 and '65.
He returned to managing the Yankees in 1966 and held the job until 1973, but
he only had four more winning seasons and never finished better than second
place.
He moved on to the Tigers in 1974 and was their manager until 1978, but the
team's only winning season under Houk came in his last season.
He managed the Red Sox from 1981-84 and retired with a winning percentage of
.514 overall.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
C.U.L.I.T.O, Buenissimo!
Tu amistad se define con 6 iniciales muy importantes C.U.L.I.T.O. que significa:
C = Cariñoso/a
U = Unico/a
L = Leal
I = Inteligente
T = Tierno(a)
O= Original
Por eso eres mi CULITO favorito .
Mandale esto a tus verdaderos amigos incluyendome, si te lo regresan eres un CULITO
Si recibes: 1- 4=No eres tan culito
5-8=Eres un buen culito
8-Pa arriba=Eres un gran culito y todos te quieren...
10-pa arriba =Eres un CULAZO !!!
C = Cariñoso/a
U = Unico/a
L = Leal
I = Inteligente
T = Tierno(a)
O= Original
Por eso eres mi CULITO favorito .
Mandale esto a tus verdaderos amigos incluyendome, si te lo regresan eres un CULITO
Si recibes: 1- 4=No eres tan culito
5-8=Eres un buen culito
8-Pa arriba=Eres un gran culito y todos te quieren...
10-pa arriba =Eres un CULAZO !!!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
1985 : Live Aid concert
On July 13, 1985, at Wembley Stadium in London, Prince Charles and Princess Diana officially open Live Aid, a worldwide rock concert organized to raise money for the relief of famine-stricken Africans. Continued at JFK Stadium in Philadelphia and at other arenas around the world, the 16-hour "superconcert" was globally linked by satellite to more than a billion viewers in 110 nations. In a triumph of technology and good will, the event raised more than $125 million in famine relief for Africa.
Live Aid was the brainchild of Bob Geldof, the singer of an Irish rock group called the Boomtown Rats. In 1984, Geldof traveled to Ethiopia after hearing news reports of a horrific famine that had killed hundreds of thousands of Ethiopians and threatened to kill millions more. After returning to London, he called Britain's and Ireland's top pop artists together to record a single to benefit Ethiopian famine relief. "Do They Know It's Christmas?" was written by Geldof and Ultravox singer Midge Ure and performed by "Band Aid," an ensemble that featured Culture Club, Duran Duran, Phil Collins, U2, Wham!, and others. It was the best-selling single in Britain to that date and raised more than $10 million.
"Do They Know It's Christmas?" was also a No. 1 hit in the United States and inspired U.S. pop artists to come together and perform "We Are the World," a song written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Ritchie. "USA for Africa," as the U.S. ensemble was known, featured Jackson, Ritchie, Geldof, Harry Belafonte, Bob Dylan, Cyndi Lauper, Paul Simon, Bruce Springsteen, Tina Turner, Stevie Wonder, and many others. The single went to the top of the charts and eventually raised $44 million.
With the crisis continuing in Ethiopia, and the neighboring Sudan also stricken with famine, Geldof proposed Live Aid, an ambitious global charity concert aimed at raising more funds and increasing awareness of the plight of many Africans. Organized in just 10 weeks, Live Aid was staged on Saturday, July 13, 1985. More than 75 acts performed, including Elton John, Madonna, Santana, Run DMC, Sade, Sting, Bryan Adams, the Beach Boys, Mick Jagger, David Bowie, Queen, Duran Duran, U2, the Who, Tom Petty, Neil Young, and Eric Clapton. The majority of these artists performed at either Wembley Stadium in London, where a crowd of 70,000 turned out, or at Philadelphia's JFK Stadium, where 100,000 watched. Thirteen satellites beamed a live television broadcast of the event to more than one billion viewers in 110 countries. More than 40 of these nations held telethons for African famine relief during the broadcast.
A memorable moment of the concert was Phil Collins' performance in Philadelphia after flying by Concorde from London, where he performed at Wembley earlier in the day. He later played drums in a reunion of the surviving members of Led Zeppelin. Beatle Paul McCartney and the Who's Pete Townsend held Bob Geldof aloft on their shoulders during the London finale, which featured a collective performance of "Do They Know It's Christmas?" Six hours later, the U.S. concert ended with "We Are the World."
Live Aid eventually raised $127 million in famine relief for African nations, and the publicity it generated encouraged Western nations to make available enough surplus grain to end the immediate hunger crisis in Africa. Geldof was later knighted by Queen Elizabeth II for his efforts.
In early July 2005, Geldof staged a series of "Live 8" concerts in 11 countries around the world to help raise awareness of global poverty. Organizers, led by Geldof, purposely scheduled the concert days before the annual G8 summit in an effort to increase political pressure on G8 nations to address issues facing the extremely poor around the world. Live 8 claims that an estimated 3 billion people watched 1,000 musicians perform in 11 shows, which were broadcast on 182 television networks and by 2,000 radio stations. Unlike Live Aid, Live 8 was intentionally not billed as a fundraiser--Geldof's slogan was, "We don't want your money, we want your voice." Perhaps in part because of the spotlight brought to such issues by Live 8, the G8 subsequently voted to cancel the debt of 18 of the world's poorest nations, make AIDS drugs more accessible, and double levels of annual aid to Africa, to $50 billion by 2010.
Live Aid was the brainchild of Bob Geldof, the singer of an Irish rock group called the Boomtown Rats. In 1984, Geldof traveled to Ethiopia after hearing news reports of a horrific famine that had killed hundreds of thousands of Ethiopians and threatened to kill millions more. After returning to London, he called Britain's and Ireland's top pop artists together to record a single to benefit Ethiopian famine relief. "Do They Know It's Christmas?" was written by Geldof and Ultravox singer Midge Ure and performed by "Band Aid," an ensemble that featured Culture Club, Duran Duran, Phil Collins, U2, Wham!, and others. It was the best-selling single in Britain to that date and raised more than $10 million.
"Do They Know It's Christmas?" was also a No. 1 hit in the United States and inspired U.S. pop artists to come together and perform "We Are the World," a song written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Ritchie. "USA for Africa," as the U.S. ensemble was known, featured Jackson, Ritchie, Geldof, Harry Belafonte, Bob Dylan, Cyndi Lauper, Paul Simon, Bruce Springsteen, Tina Turner, Stevie Wonder, and many others. The single went to the top of the charts and eventually raised $44 million.
With the crisis continuing in Ethiopia, and the neighboring Sudan also stricken with famine, Geldof proposed Live Aid, an ambitious global charity concert aimed at raising more funds and increasing awareness of the plight of many Africans. Organized in just 10 weeks, Live Aid was staged on Saturday, July 13, 1985. More than 75 acts performed, including Elton John, Madonna, Santana, Run DMC, Sade, Sting, Bryan Adams, the Beach Boys, Mick Jagger, David Bowie, Queen, Duran Duran, U2, the Who, Tom Petty, Neil Young, and Eric Clapton. The majority of these artists performed at either Wembley Stadium in London, where a crowd of 70,000 turned out, or at Philadelphia's JFK Stadium, where 100,000 watched. Thirteen satellites beamed a live television broadcast of the event to more than one billion viewers in 110 countries. More than 40 of these nations held telethons for African famine relief during the broadcast.
A memorable moment of the concert was Phil Collins' performance in Philadelphia after flying by Concorde from London, where he performed at Wembley earlier in the day. He later played drums in a reunion of the surviving members of Led Zeppelin. Beatle Paul McCartney and the Who's Pete Townsend held Bob Geldof aloft on their shoulders during the London finale, which featured a collective performance of "Do They Know It's Christmas?" Six hours later, the U.S. concert ended with "We Are the World."
Live Aid eventually raised $127 million in famine relief for African nations, and the publicity it generated encouraged Western nations to make available enough surplus grain to end the immediate hunger crisis in Africa. Geldof was later knighted by Queen Elizabeth II for his efforts.
In early July 2005, Geldof staged a series of "Live 8" concerts in 11 countries around the world to help raise awareness of global poverty. Organizers, led by Geldof, purposely scheduled the concert days before the annual G8 summit in an effort to increase political pressure on G8 nations to address issues facing the extremely poor around the world. Live 8 claims that an estimated 3 billion people watched 1,000 musicians perform in 11 shows, which were broadcast on 182 television networks and by 2,000 radio stations. Unlike Live Aid, Live 8 was intentionally not billed as a fundraiser--Geldof's slogan was, "We don't want your money, we want your voice." Perhaps in part because of the spotlight brought to such issues by Live 8, the G8 subsequently voted to cancel the debt of 18 of the world's poorest nations, make AIDS drugs more accessible, and double levels of annual aid to Africa, to $50 billion by 2010.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Bob Sheppard, Voice of the Yankees, Dies at 99
Bob Sheppard, whose elegant intonation as the public-address announcer at Yankee Stadium for more than half a century personified the image of Yankee grandeur, died Sunday at his home in Baldwin, on Long Island. He was 99.
His death was confirmed by his son, Paul.
From the last days of DiMaggio through the primes of Mantle, Berra, Jackson and Jeter, Sheppard’s precise, resonant, even Olympian elocution — he was sometimes called the Voice of God — greeted Yankee fans with the words, “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Yankee Stadium.”
“The Yankees and Bob Sheppard were a marriage made in heaven,” said his son Paul Sheppard, a 71-year-old financial adviser. “I know St. Peter will now recruit him. If you’re lucky enough to go to heaven, you’ll be greeted by a voice, saying, ‘Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to heaven!’ ”
In an era of blaring stadium music, of public-address announcers styling themselves as entertainers and cheerleaders, Sheppard, a man with a passion for poetry and Shakespeare, shunned hyperbole.
“A public-address announcer should be clear, concise, correct,” he said. “He should not be colorful, cute or comic.”
Sheppard was also the public-address announcer for the football Giants from 1956 through 2005, first at Yankee Stadium and then at Giants Stadium in the Meadowlands.
He signed a new two-year contract with the Yankees in March 2008 but was not at the stadium that season, when he was recovering from illness that brought a severe weight loss. His longtime backup, Jim Hall, replaced him.
Sheppard did not feel strong enough to attend the ceremonies marking the final game at the old Yankee Stadium on Sept. 21, 2008, but he announced the Yankee starting lineup that night in a tape recording. During the season, his recorded voice had introduced Derek Jeter at the plate, a touch the Yankee captain requested to honor Sheppard.
Sheppard was chairman of the speech department at John Adams High School in Queens and an adjunct professor of speech at St. John’s University while becoming a New York institution as a public-address announcer.
“I don’t change my pattern,” he once said. “I speak at Yankee Stadium the same way I do in a classroom, a saloon or reading the Gospel at Mass at St. Christopher’s.”
On May 7, 2000, Bob Sheppard Day at Yankee Stadium, the Yankee outfielder Paul O’Neill reflected on Sheppard’s aura.
“It’s the organ at church,” O’Neill told The Record of Hackensack, N.J. “Certain sounds and certain voices just belong in places. Obviously, his voice and Yankee Stadium have become one.”
Robert Leo Sheppard, who was born on Oct. 20, gained a passion for his calling while growing up in Queens.
“My father, Charles, and my mother, Eileen, each enjoyed poetry and music and public speaking,” Sheppard told Maury Allen in “Baseball: The Lives Behind the Seams.”
“They were very precise in how they spoke. They measured words, pronounced everything carefully and instilled a love of language in me by how they respected proper pronunciation.”
Sheppard played first base at St. John’s Prep and at St. John’s University, where he was also a quarterback.
While he was in high school, two Vincentian priests put him on the path toward a career in speech education.
“The combination there of one, the fiery orator, and the other, the semantic craftsman, probably presented a blending I wanted to imitate,” he once recalled.
Sheppard earned a bachelor’s degree in English and speech at St. John’s and a master’s degree in speech from Columbia before serving as a Navy officer during World War II.
He became a speech teacher at John Adams upon his return and served as the public-address announcer for the Brooklyn Dodgers and New York Yankees of the All-America Football Conference.
He was hired by the baseball Yankees in 1951, and soon fans were hearing Sheppard’s pronunciation of “Joe Di-Mah-ggio.”
“I take great pride in how the names are pronounced,” Sheppard said. He seldom entered the clubhouses, but made certain to check directly with a visiting player if he had any doubt on the correct way to pronounce his name.
“Mic-key Man-tle” was a favorite of his, but as Sheppard once told The Associated Press: “Anglo-Saxon names are not very euphonious. What can I do with Steve Sax? What can I do with Mickey Klutts?”
He enjoyed announcing the name of the Japanese pitcher Shigetoshi Hasegawa and the names of Latin players, particularly pitcher Salome Barojas and infielder Jose Valdivielso.
Sheppard feared he would trip over his pronunciation of Wayne Terwilliger, an infielder who played at Yankee Stadium with the Washington Senators and Kansas City Athletics in the 1950s. “I worried that I would say ‘Ter-wigg-ler’ but I never did,” he remembered.
But there was at least one flub.
When the football Giants played their first game at the Meadowlands, against the Dallas Cowboys in October 1976, Sheppard told the crowd: “Welcome to Yankee Stadium.”
On Bob Sheppard Day -- during his 50th year with the Yankees -- he was honored at a home-plate ceremony in which Walter Cronkite read the inscription on the plaque being unveiled for Monument Park behind the left-field fence. It stated in part that Sheppard “has announced the names of hundreds of players -- both unfamiliar and legendary -- with equal divine reverence.”
He leaves behind his second wife, Mary, two sons, Paul and Chris, and two daughters, Barbara and Mary. His first wife, Margaret, the mother of all four children, died in 1959. He also leaves four grandchildren.
Sheppard had his imitators, most notably the ESPN broadcaster Jon Miller.
“One day when my wife and I were down in St. Thomas, we went into a restaurant,” Sheppard told The Village Voice in 2002. “I told the waitress, ‘I’ll have the No. 1. Scrambled eggs, buttered toast and black coffee. No. 1.’ “My wife looked at me and said. ‘You sound like Jon Miller’s imitation.’ I wasn’t conscious of the fact that I was ordering the same way I’d introduce Billy Martin.
His death was confirmed by his son, Paul.
From the last days of DiMaggio through the primes of Mantle, Berra, Jackson and Jeter, Sheppard’s precise, resonant, even Olympian elocution — he was sometimes called the Voice of God — greeted Yankee fans with the words, “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Yankee Stadium.”
“The Yankees and Bob Sheppard were a marriage made in heaven,” said his son Paul Sheppard, a 71-year-old financial adviser. “I know St. Peter will now recruit him. If you’re lucky enough to go to heaven, you’ll be greeted by a voice, saying, ‘Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to heaven!’ ”
In an era of blaring stadium music, of public-address announcers styling themselves as entertainers and cheerleaders, Sheppard, a man with a passion for poetry and Shakespeare, shunned hyperbole.
“A public-address announcer should be clear, concise, correct,” he said. “He should not be colorful, cute or comic.”
Sheppard was also the public-address announcer for the football Giants from 1956 through 2005, first at Yankee Stadium and then at Giants Stadium in the Meadowlands.
He signed a new two-year contract with the Yankees in March 2008 but was not at the stadium that season, when he was recovering from illness that brought a severe weight loss. His longtime backup, Jim Hall, replaced him.
Sheppard did not feel strong enough to attend the ceremonies marking the final game at the old Yankee Stadium on Sept. 21, 2008, but he announced the Yankee starting lineup that night in a tape recording. During the season, his recorded voice had introduced Derek Jeter at the plate, a touch the Yankee captain requested to honor Sheppard.
Sheppard was chairman of the speech department at John Adams High School in Queens and an adjunct professor of speech at St. John’s University while becoming a New York institution as a public-address announcer.
“I don’t change my pattern,” he once said. “I speak at Yankee Stadium the same way I do in a classroom, a saloon or reading the Gospel at Mass at St. Christopher’s.”
On May 7, 2000, Bob Sheppard Day at Yankee Stadium, the Yankee outfielder Paul O’Neill reflected on Sheppard’s aura.
“It’s the organ at church,” O’Neill told The Record of Hackensack, N.J. “Certain sounds and certain voices just belong in places. Obviously, his voice and Yankee Stadium have become one.”
Robert Leo Sheppard, who was born on Oct. 20, gained a passion for his calling while growing up in Queens.
“My father, Charles, and my mother, Eileen, each enjoyed poetry and music and public speaking,” Sheppard told Maury Allen in “Baseball: The Lives Behind the Seams.”
“They were very precise in how they spoke. They measured words, pronounced everything carefully and instilled a love of language in me by how they respected proper pronunciation.”
Sheppard played first base at St. John’s Prep and at St. John’s University, where he was also a quarterback.
While he was in high school, two Vincentian priests put him on the path toward a career in speech education.
“The combination there of one, the fiery orator, and the other, the semantic craftsman, probably presented a blending I wanted to imitate,” he once recalled.
Sheppard earned a bachelor’s degree in English and speech at St. John’s and a master’s degree in speech from Columbia before serving as a Navy officer during World War II.
He became a speech teacher at John Adams upon his return and served as the public-address announcer for the Brooklyn Dodgers and New York Yankees of the All-America Football Conference.
He was hired by the baseball Yankees in 1951, and soon fans were hearing Sheppard’s pronunciation of “Joe Di-Mah-ggio.”
“I take great pride in how the names are pronounced,” Sheppard said. He seldom entered the clubhouses, but made certain to check directly with a visiting player if he had any doubt on the correct way to pronounce his name.
“Mic-key Man-tle” was a favorite of his, but as Sheppard once told The Associated Press: “Anglo-Saxon names are not very euphonious. What can I do with Steve Sax? What can I do with Mickey Klutts?”
He enjoyed announcing the name of the Japanese pitcher Shigetoshi Hasegawa and the names of Latin players, particularly pitcher Salome Barojas and infielder Jose Valdivielso.
Sheppard feared he would trip over his pronunciation of Wayne Terwilliger, an infielder who played at Yankee Stadium with the Washington Senators and Kansas City Athletics in the 1950s. “I worried that I would say ‘Ter-wigg-ler’ but I never did,” he remembered.
But there was at least one flub.
When the football Giants played their first game at the Meadowlands, against the Dallas Cowboys in October 1976, Sheppard told the crowd: “Welcome to Yankee Stadium.”
On Bob Sheppard Day -- during his 50th year with the Yankees -- he was honored at a home-plate ceremony in which Walter Cronkite read the inscription on the plaque being unveiled for Monument Park behind the left-field fence. It stated in part that Sheppard “has announced the names of hundreds of players -- both unfamiliar and legendary -- with equal divine reverence.”
He leaves behind his second wife, Mary, two sons, Paul and Chris, and two daughters, Barbara and Mary. His first wife, Margaret, the mother of all four children, died in 1959. He also leaves four grandchildren.
Sheppard had his imitators, most notably the ESPN broadcaster Jon Miller.
“One day when my wife and I were down in St. Thomas, we went into a restaurant,” Sheppard told The Village Voice in 2002. “I told the waitress, ‘I’ll have the No. 1. Scrambled eggs, buttered toast and black coffee. No. 1.’ “My wife looked at me and said. ‘You sound like Jon Miller’s imitation.’ I wasn’t conscious of the fact that I was ordering the same way I’d introduce Billy Martin.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Funny Classifieds
These classifieds actually ran in a Minneapolis newspaper - a smile for your day.
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER
8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog...
FREE PUPPIES
Mother, AKC German Shepherd
Father, Super Dog. Able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.
COWS: NEVER BRED
Also 1 gay bull for sale..
NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown - 89 cents/lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must washer and dryer $300.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
And the best one?
FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything!
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER
8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog...
FREE PUPPIES
Mother, AKC German Shepherd
Father, Super Dog. Able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.
COWS: NEVER BRED
Also 1 gay bull for sale..
NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown - 89 cents/lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must washer and dryer $300.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
And the best one?
FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything!
RUN!
A mother took her five year old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime. They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager. As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, 'Gee, she's fat!'
The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet. A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; 'I'll bet her butt is this wide!' The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy. The mother gave him a good shake on his arm, and told him to be quiet. After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line.
Just then, her pager began to emit a: beep, beep, beep. The little boy yells out, 'lookout mom', she's backing up!!
The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet. A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; 'I'll bet her butt is this wide!' The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy. The mother gave him a good shake on his arm, and told him to be quiet. After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line.
Just then, her pager began to emit a: beep, beep, beep. The little boy yells out, 'lookout mom', she's backing up!!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven !!
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly,and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse,drinks it down. Then,wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel,'but even in Heaven,
a Royal Flush beats a Pair - no matter how big they are!
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly,and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse,drinks it down. Then,wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel,'but even in Heaven,
a Royal Flush beats a Pair - no matter how big they are!
Blonde joke!
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the
shopkeepers,
the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch
my
own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!' The
shopkeeper
replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and
give
it a try?' The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an
alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he
spotted
the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in
hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming
rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot
the
creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more
dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank,
watching
in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed
to
flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....
'CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!
shopkeepers,
the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch
my
own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!' The
shopkeeper
replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and
give
it a try?' The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an
alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he
spotted
the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in
hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming
rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot
the
creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more
dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank,
watching
in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed
to
flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....
'CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in Manchester, just off Deansgate where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework...
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street with the same rules.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework...
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street with the same rules.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Texas Bank Robbery!
A hooded robber burst into a Texas Bank and forced the
Tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed
The hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the
Tellers looking straight at him.
The robber instantly shot him also.
Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down
At the floor in silence.
The Robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"
There are a few moments of utter silence, in which
Everyone was plainly afraid to speak.
Then one elderly man tentatively raised his hand and said, "I think my wife may have caught a glimpse of you."
Tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed
The hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the
Tellers looking straight at him.
The robber instantly shot him also.
Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down
At the floor in silence.
The Robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"
There are a few moments of utter silence, in which
Everyone was plainly afraid to speak.
Then one elderly man tentatively raised his hand and said, "I think my wife may have caught a glimpse of you."
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Wonderful English from Around the World!
In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
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